QUITTING ARTWORK
Off and on for the past couple of years, I've been telling myself that "I want to quit artwork". Of course, I always got out of that mind set, moving right onto the next drawing.
Until now.
Well, I shouldn't exactly say "until now".
These past three years have been very artwork-heavy for myself. Even if I wanted to go do something else, I didn't because I had artwork. Regardless if a piece was for myself or for somebody else, it became both a priority and procrastination excuse.
By the time I reached the last of my website artwork, I HAD IT with artwork. I was so, so, SO sick of it. And crazily enough, I had plans to actually reopen commissions and do MORE artwork for me.
I know I need a break. A nice, long break from all forms of visual artwork — digital, traditional, sketches, doodles, etc.
I believe that the feeling of wanting to quit artwork started in 2009, when I began drawing more artwork for other people than myself, although the seeds of giving up probably began earlier. I tried so hard to get myself back to drawing things for myself, but alas, I could not. Instead, the drawings I made for myself suddenly became artwork I made for my art pages. It wasn't for me. It was to make me look active. Which back fired when they ran out.
That's not the only factor though — being on the Internet has made me conscious of my artwork. I'm sure some will say that's a good thing and sometimes, yes, it is a good thing (the way I draw hands wouldn't have improved if it wasn't). However, from comments I've received, from comments about my curved lines for noses to asking why I don't really care if I accidentally draw hands too big, and comments towards others I've read, such as "don't draw fan characters shipped with canon characters", I've become stifled. Some stuff I've chose to take the advice of and others I've chosen to ignore and continue (but hide it, hopefully in a way where those who want to see it will, and those who don't, won't). Regardless if I've taken it or not, I feel haunted by a gripping feeling of despair and desperation.
"What will they say to me if I post this?"
"What will they think if they saw this?"
"Will they get the wrong idea about my series?"
"Will they get the wrong idea about my characters?"
I feel this way about seemingly harmless comments as well, such as "wow, that looks great! you should colour it", and questions like "why didn't you colour it". If I hear either of those (the former one actually being a COMPLIMENT), a switch is flicked on in my head and I want to destroy all my artwork.
Some of my hatred towards my artwork as well is I've felt an increasing desire to aim for more, yet I don't do that. I want to get out of generic poses and transparent backgrounds. I want to draw vibrant, interesting backgrounds and complimentary poses that fill my heart with glee when I look at them. I generally feel embarrassed by my lackluster backgrounds and yawn at my generic poses.
Even though I would like to work towards improving my artwork in numerous aspects, I don't want to work towards it. Even less now than I did before.
I plan on "quitting" artwork (a.k.a. I'm going on a hiatus until further notice). I will keep the hope in mind that I one day return the feelings I had about artwork earlier in my life — that was I drawing for myself and I loved it.
I do have a commission, a few requests, and a few other pieces of artwork to post up. Once those are completed though, expect the artwork side of things to be quiet for a while.
I think this will be a good thing. It will give me time to work on other things that matter to me.
Further Reading:
rambles.trainerkelly.net/?p=26…
rambles.trainerkelly.net/?p=25…
rambles.trainerkelly.net/?p=24…
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What about commissions?
If you purchased a commission from me and it wasn't private, I will be posting it as soon as it's completed.
In terms of ordering a commission from me, I'm closing them down AUGUST 1ST. So get them NOW if you want them!
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What about requests?
Those will be up in time. I have a few more to post, actually — I just need to scan 'em.
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What about Kelly's Journey?
The series is MOSTLY unaffected by this. My plans are still not to post any episodes this year and begin posting them frequently next year.
The only parts of the plan that is affected are the comics I wanted to do, but hey, no one really reads them anyway except for people who decide it's a hilarious idea to post them on Tumblr and criticize how stupid it is and that Ash's "waifu" need to stop copying his clothes without having no idea who the fan character is because obviously appearances say everything ('cause, you know, Kelly isn't a bitch or anything, she's super nice because she's always smiling in my pictures *rolls eyes*). *kicks wall*
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OTHER UPDATES
Commissions
As I said, THEY ARE COMING. Just hold on!
And again, IF YOU WOULD LIKE ONE, PLEASE ORDER BY AUGUST 1ST.
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Kelly's Journey
Still on the Island of Giant Pokémon episode. It's been a pretty boring episode to get through. It's on its way to being finished though: I'm on the part where Jessie and James are pulling the telephone cord to try and get to the telephone company.
I'm upset with myself I'm not further into the series yet. I wanted three episodes done past this one!
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Website
Sloooooooowly working my way through a tutorial for making a Wordpress layout. It will get done. It will, it will, it will!
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Other Stuff
I AM NOW A CUSTOMER SERVICE MANAGER AT WALMART, BIZNITCH! *victory dance* I've been wanting to be one for over a year and I am SOOOOO happy about it! At least one goal is completed.
Goals go by a lot faster when there's more people supporting you, than just yourself.
Also, I discovered BookTube and now I want to become a BookTuber. One of these days. I'm reading a lot more, thanks to them.
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If you guys have any questions, comments, etc., put them below!
Also, thank you guys for being so supportive of me. I appreciate it. <3 Even if it sounds like I'm not.
